Diagnostics
by yurImperial
Summary: A series of related but standalone Nuts and Dolts stories. Each one-shot will be a character study of Penny as she explores her self-identity based on a benchmark for humanity named Ruby Rose (a series of diagnostic tests, if you will). Probably equal parts drama and fluff.
1. Chapter 1

Diagnostic Report

P.E.N.N.Y.

Atlas Military

-System Analysis-

/

Beginning Pseudo-Biomorphic Functions scan:

...

...

Complete: No errors detected

/

Beginning Sensory Processor scan:

...

Complete: No errors detected

/

Beginning Reflex and Proprioception Module scan:

...

Complete: No errors detected

/

Beginning Neurological Network scan:

...

...

...

Complete: No errors detected

/

Beginning Primary Emotion Database scan:

...

Complete: One error(s) detected

ERROR: Missing source file at location 000.1A7-J9Q

/

Beginning Real-Time Emotive Processor scan:

...

...

...

...

...

Complete: Three error(s) detected

ERROR: Null pointer exception

ERROR: Missing event handler XMD70001-ZL8K4333

ERROR: Illegal call at location 00 _0_.1A **7-?[** _**#%**_ &(../ **,** _ **}** *_... **.../...**...,...

/

REBOOT

/

-UNEXPECTED BOOT CIRCUMSTANCE-

ERROR CODE: 10V3

/

SYSTEM STARTUP

/

Framework Initialization Cycle

...

All systems operational

/

-System Analysis Complete-


	2. Chapter 2

Diagnostics: Part 1

A Human Color

 _Red is the color of life. It's the color of blooming roses and the source of your heartbeat. And it's the color Penny associates with Ruby Rose: a friend who enjoys life to the fullest, and the human dearest to her bloodless mechanical heart._

Ruby's face hit the cafeteria table with a groan of misery, only barely avoiding a face full of oatmeal by sheer luck. The impact still shook the table, rattling the dishes and silverware enough to get the attention of team JNPR. Unaccustomed to seeing the energetic girl so subdued, they were shocked into silence - no one had ever needed to cheer up _Ruby_ , who was usually cheerfulness incarnate.

Pyrrha shot Yang a worried look and received a grimace in return. Across from Yang, Blake nodded along silently, the corners of her eyes crinkling as her fingers wrapped around a steaming mug of tea. Weiss just raised one eyebrow suggestively, her eyes shifting towards the two boys at the end of the table. Realization dawned on Pyrrha's face as she pieced the clues together and she leaned across Yang to rub the young leader's back sympathetically.

On the JNPR side, Nora took a double-chocolate-chip muffin from the foot-high pile on her plate and half-stood in an attempt to pass it to Ruby. Before she could knock anything over, Ren plucked it from her grasp and walked around to place the gift on Ruby's plate, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder as he returned to his seat. Without lifting her head, Ruby snatched it up and began nibbling with an indistinct murmur of gratitude.

Jaune, the only one who remained oblivious throughout the exchange, glanced between each girl with a perplexed frown before finally breaking the silence. "Uh, anyone want to explain why Ruby's suddenly acting like Blake?"

The Faunus shot him a narrow-eyed glare, to which he hastily amended, "Not in a bad way! Just, you know, antisocial and moody."

Blake's eyes further narrowed until they were mere slits.

"Yeah, you know what I mean." Jaune chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. "Please don't kill me..."

Blake held the glare for a moment longer before rolling her eyes and focusing instead on her cooling tea.

"Jaune," Pyrrha chided, her hand falling on his forearm, "Suffice to say that it's a girl thing." She sounded like she was explaining something to a child, but Jaune just gaped at her with a blank expression.

"We'll tell you when you're older," Yang said in a low voice. Her lips curled into a smirk as she huddled over a plate that looked like an entire chicken coop had been cracked over it.

Trying hard not to laugh along with the others, Pyrrha leaned in close to whisper into Jaune's ear and a geyser of orange juice immediately sprayed from his nose and mouth. His partner slapped him on the back as he coughed and spluttered until he could breathe well enough to explain just how much he was regretting the entire conversation. Across from him, Ren looked equally done as he wiped orange juice out of his eyes, Nora dabbing at his face with a napkin.

Ruby managed to finish her muffin by the time breakfast ended, though the prospect of attending class made her want to turn into a muffin. _They_ didn't have to sit through boring lectures all day while they melted from the inside. Muffins just got eaten, which would also be a preferable fate. She thought about just how much better life as a muffin would be as Weiss practically carried her off to their first class - who, in turn, complained about how _she_ never got carried on her heavy days.

* * *

"How's the visit from Aunt Flo, sis?"

Yang flopped down on Weiss's bed next to her sister, where she had collapsed and refused to move after returning from her last class of the day. The shockwave made Ruby bounce on the mattress and she uttered a pitiful groan. Yang easily caught the slap as it came; there was no force behind it. The golden-haired girl frowned in brief concern, but then sat up to cradle her sister's head in her lap, a grin forming on her lips.

"Sounds like it's been _bloody annoying?"_

Ruby's pained groan was muffled in Yang's lap, though what exactly had caused it - the cramps or Yang's horrible puns - the blond wasn't sure.

"Aw, you sound like an Ursa cub," she said, though she gently finger-combed Ruby's hair to show that she wasn't going to be a total pain in the ass.

"You might be interested to know that I found someone wandering the campus today. Being the loving sister that I am, I was thinking of you and brought her with me to visit you."

Ruby raised her head in interest. From the description, she was almost positive she knew who the guest was, but it was such an unexpected turn of events that she could only croak a feeble, "What?"

Then she turned her head, and there standing in the doorway was Penny, her perpetually beaming face shining brightly - though worry was clearly visible in her stance as she watched the two sisters. Her hands were clasped tightly, as if she was conflicted.

"Oh, Penny, it's good to see you."

"Yang told me that you are unwell. I hope I am not bothering you by visiting."

While Ruby wanted nothing more than to pass out, she had to admit that she was happy to see Penny. They still didn't have an ideal way to stay in contact, so they were forced to rely on random meetings such as this. Who knew when the next one would be?

"Not at all, as long as I don't have to move around much."

Penny was about to respond, but Yang chose that moment to suddenly jump up and head for the door. She nudged Penny farther inside as she made her way out.

"In that case, I'll be in the gym, you two. Just take it easy - Blake and Weiss should be back soon."

With a wave over her shoulder, she left the two alone, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, Penny seemed to overcome some of her trepidation and advanced to sit next to Ruby on Weiss's bed. Then, without any pretense, she immediately grabbed Ruby's hands and leaned in close.

"I wish to know what ails you, friend."

Ruby could only wilt under the fervent request, its sincerity matched only by its abruptness. And that was when Ruby realized just how awkward this conversation would be. _There's no way Penny has the same reproductive processes a human - right? Does she even know what a period is?_

Ruby cleared her throat and launched into an explanation of something that had taken Yang several hours and numerous diagrams to describe to her. She desperately hoped Penny was a faster learner than herself.

"Um, well, it's just a thing that all girls do every month. It's annoying, but we only bleed for a few days-"

"You're bleeding? Where?!"

Before Ruby could object, Penny scooped her up into a princess carry, her panicked face looking towards the door like she was going to sprint out with Ruby in her arms. The young Huntress let out a squeak of surprise, but found that the arms around her were as immovable as an iron cage - secure, but not crushing. She didn't know what she had expected being held by Penny would feel like - maybe that the cold, hard metal beneath her skin would be noticeable? - but more than anything, it reminded her of being carried by Yang when they were younger. Penny's inhuman strength made it as effortless as picking up Zwei.

"We must get you to an infirmary _immediately-"_

"Penny, wait!"

The android froze in place like a kitchen appliance that had its power cord yanked.

"Not that this isn't sweet and all, but it really isn't necessary to carry me to the nurse."

Penny looked down at her then back at the door, her lower lip pinched cutely between her teeth. At length, she gingerly set Ruby back down and took a seat beside her once more. Even so, she continued to look her friend over for visible wounds or gouts of blood. Finding none, she tilted her head to the side.

"I am confused. It is normal to be in pain without sustaining any wounds?"

"Yes - well, no, not all the time. Just a few days a month, like I said." _Ugh, Yang was much better at explaining this_. _Maybe I should wait for Blake and Weiss to get back..._

One look at the concern still etched onto her friend's face made her veto that idea immediately. She didn't need to make Penny an expert on the subject, just reassure her friend that she wasn't dying or something. Taking another breath, she collected her thoughts and started over.

"You see, in order to reproduce..."

* * *

" _Fascinating!_ Oh, that's simply sen- _sational!"_

Nearly an hour later, Ruby finally finished giving Penny _the talk_. It had involved a lot of stumbling over her words and even more blushing, but at least the android's mind was finally at ease knowing that Ruby's condition wasn't life-threatening. She had even started to take an active interest in the biology lesson.

"Sorry for making you worry," Ruby said with a guilty laugh after answering the last of Penny's questions, but the android shook her head dismissively.

"No, _I_ am sorry your design flaws subject you to discomfort on a regular basis."

Though the comment should have stung, Ruby detected none of the condescension that could have accompanied it.

"At least there's medication that makes it more bearable." Ruby looked down at her hands, realizing just how much better she was feeling after all the distractions. She leaned against Penny's shoulder with a small smile. "Thanks for worrying about me, though."

The sun had started to go down, casting long shadows across the room.

"How are you feeling now, friend?"

"Not great, but better."

"Is there any way I can help?" Penny's voice was a gentle breath on Ruby's cheek.

"I-" Ruby swallowed her words when a gentle hand slid up under the hem of her blouse and over her midsection. Caught off guard yet again, she closed her eyes and reminded herself that Penny is naive and doesn't realize that her spontaneous actions can come across as forward. Even so, she shivered from the sensation and let herself fall back onto the bed. She vaguely considered how bad it would look if Weiss and Blake barged in on this scene, but quickly put it out of her mind for fear of further embarrassment.

"This is the area, yes?" Penny asked politely, her fingers making the muscles over Ruby's stomach twitch reflexively like she was being tickled.

"Y-Yeah."

Ruby couldn't bring herself to stop Penny's ministrations. It was surprisingly comforting, her hand pleasantly cool and soft. Even more, the simple yet caring act was soothing in ways that nothing else could compare. When she had been sick as a child, it was always Yang's special attention - reading her stories, bringing her things, and spending time with her when she was stuck in bed - that made her feel better than the soup and medicine could. With this in mind, she gradually relaxed despite the awkwardness she felt at being comforted so intimately by someone other than her sister.

"Ruby..."

The Huntress-in-training opened one eye to look up at Penny, who was watching the bulge of her hand move beneath the fabric of Ruby's blouse.

"Is it... weird... that I wish I could experience this for myself?"

"Tummy rubs?"

Penny paused for a beat.

"Menstruation."

Ruby cringed when the word hit her ears. She had avoided using it at all costs during her explanation of what it actually was (which, she had to admit, had been a difficult feat). She couldn't explain why it embarrassed her, just that it was something to tiptoe around, much like the very idea itself. _Why are bodies so gross?_

"Uh, kinda. Why?" she responded.

"Though flawed in its implementation, I find the process utterly..." In a rare moment for Penny, she ran out of words to say. Ruby watched her face transition from uncertainty to longing, and finally settle on sadness.

"Human."

That hadn't been what Ruby was expecting. Penny's hand stopped moving, the other coming up to touch the same spot on her own abdomen where she was lacking what Ruby possessed internally.

"Your ability to create life is a wondrous gift, one that separates us. You are incredible, Ruby."

Ruby wanted to protest, to assure Penny that there was more to being human. She wanted to admit that, when the time came, she planned to adopt rather than have children herself. She wanted to say that Penny was even more awesome because she was strong enough to pull down an airship by herself, yet gentle enough to comfort a friend in need.

But at that moment, the door opened and a very bewildered Weiss stood frozen in the frame, a curious Blake peering over her shoulder.

"What do you dolts think you're doing on my bed?!"

* * *

 **A big thanks to JDRIZZLE, my first ever alpha reader for taking an interest in my writing and helping me finalize this piece!**

 **-yurImperial**


	3. Chapter 3

Diagnostics: Part 2

A Handful of Rubies

Penny watches as Ruby pieces Crescent Rose together one small mechanism at a time. She had spent the past hour dismantling her precious weapon, polishing and oiling every surface with painstaking care. Penny has seen her complete this process much faster before - the girl did build the scythe herself, so she knows its ins and outs intimately. But this level of reverence she displays now puzzles Penny.

She has to admit, it's almost hypnotizing how deftly Ruby's fingers glide over interlocking metal bits, fitting them together, dabbing some grease here, spraying some kind of smelly spray there. She can't think of anything she herself would touch in such a way, how her friend's fingers caress each piece. It makes Penny feel self-conscious, almost like she's watching something she shouldn't. The feeling perplexes her.

Ruby seems to pick up on her state of mind and pauses her ministrations. "What's up?" she says.

"I was just thinking, would it not be a relief to be finished sooner? Or is there a reason you're taking your time?"

Ruby laughs. "Sorry, this is probably boring you..."

"I wouldn't say that," Penny says quickly. "Any time we spend together is enjoyable. I only wish to understand why you treat a tool like a person."

Ruby nods to herself, bites her lip. She slides the head of her scythe onto the handle and gives it a twist to lock everything in place, completing its reconstruction. Then she rests it in her lap, her fingertips sliding along the flat of the blade in a loving caress, and for a strange moment, Penny feels something akin to jealousy tighten her chest. The emotion passes as soon as she names it and her cheeks heat up in private embarrassment.

"A huntress's weapon is much more than a tool. They protect us. We rely on them as much as we rely on each other, every bit an ally-" Ruby's eyes flicker to Penny's face, then back to Crescent Rose as a small smile touches her lips. "-a friend."

Penny is quiet for a long moment as she processes this new information. Her guards do not touch her this way. General Ironwood does not touch her this way. They all keep their distance, sometimes with guns separating them. Only her father touches her, and that's when she needs repairs. They treat her like a weapon - a tool - and a dangerous one at that. Isn't that what she is? When she remembers the hugs, the hand holding, the secret caresses - all and only from Ruby Rose - she is no longer sure of that fact.

At length, Penny says, "So 'weapons' and 'friends'... they mean the same thing to you?" Ruby nods. "I still don't think I understand. Weapons are useful, but they can also cause hurt. I know about the wars mankind has faced..."

Instead of elaborating, Ruby flips Crescent Rose so it sits with the handle pointing straight up, the dangerous end planted on the floor between her thighs. Before Penny can stop her, she closes her hand into a fist and presses the heel of her palm to the cutting edge, sliding it forward along the blade.

Penny's eyes freeze wide, her gaze affixed to the spot where metal kisses flesh.

"Good thing I just cleaned it. This much is perfectly safe," Ruby says in a slightly pinched voice. Despite the reassurance, Penny's hands ball up tightly in the fabric of her skirt.

Once a faint red smear can be seen shining on the blade, Ruby lifts her hand away and inspects the incision with a mild hiss of pain. Unable to hold back her worry any longer, Penny grasps Ruby's wrist and unfolds her friend's hand like peeling back the petals of a flower. An angry-looking slit about an inch long runs parallel to her hand between the outer edge and the thicker flesh at the base of her thumb. The wound has already started weeping.

"Ruby, why?" Penny looks up at her friend, fear and confusion swirling in her eyes.

Ruby tilts her hand forward to let the beads of red pool in her cupped palm like a handful of her namesake gems, glittering in the overhead light.

"This is what it's like to entrust your life," she says cryptically, "To a weapon, and to a friend. Both can and will hurt you sometimes. But the more you practice with them, the more familiar you are with them, the more you trust them - the better they will protect you, and the easier it is to spill your blood for them in turn."

Memories of team RWBY fighting together, working like a cohesive unit, flash through Penny's mind. Yang taking hits to spare the others. Blake opening up opportunities for them to attack. Weiss giving them an edge with her glyphs. Ruby trusting them as she commits everything to an all-out attack. And it clicks.

Red. Blood. Roses. Ruby. Friends. Weapons. Battle. Trust.

Life.

"It smells... familiar." Metallic.

"That's the iron in my blood," Ruby murmurs close. "See? We're made of the same basic things."

Penny looks down at her own hands where, months ago, the skin had peeled back to reveal solid metal after she'd stopped a moving van. She had shed no blood, but she hadn't thought twice about the action when it meant protecting her friend.

A weapon is more than just a tool, huh?

Penny's fingers trace the veins up Ruby's arm, across her chest, to her heart. Ruby watches with a perplexed expression, sitting stock-still as Penny invades her personal space not undesirably. The searching motion soon shifts to an embrace which Ruby reciprocates immediately.

"I'll protect you, Ruby Rose. As a weapon _and_ as a friend."

Ruby laughs, agrees, rubs Penny's back, and the android squeezes tighter because no one else makes her feel the way Ruby does. That she's normal. That she's special. That she belongs somewhere. That she isn't alone.

That despite not bleeding and not being the best at doing human things, she's still considered to be - at least by one person - human.

And that is a gift more precious than a handful of rubies.


End file.
